I'm Sam.

interests: comedy, cheese
nemesis: eczema, the sun
location: Atlanta, GA


March 5th
6:22 PM EST

my new job is awesome, my new house is not (yet)

My move to Atlanta has been, uh… both extremely frustrating and very enlightening.

Upon arriving at my new rental home last week I was made vaguely aware of some issues, told they would be promptly fixed, and I moved my things into a house with no power, water, or gas. Well, most of the power and most of the water was finally able to be turned on this past Friday afternoon, and gas won’t be turned on until tomorrow. Needless to say, with no heat or hot water here, I have been sleeping on a floor with my cats in a place that I can actually shower. I found my wonderful new roommate on Craigslist a little while back and because her apartment doesn’t expect her out until the 8th, I’ve been able to stay there. Thankfully!

Some things here have been fixed and others have not. The burst pipes were fixed, and as of yesterday so was the leaking sprinkler system which was causing both water damage and noise pollution due to an incessant alarm going off on the front of the building. Don’t worry, I turned the breaker off for that alarm but it meant that quite a few random lights around the place didn’t work. But now they do and I can see in the kitchen! Which unfortunately contains a completely disgusting refrigerator. Some mold you can clean. Some things are forever unclean - aka this fridge. At this point, what I’m waiting on is the gas company finally pulling their act together for me and turning their services on here tomorrow, a new fridge, a new toilet for my bathroom (existing one has a HUGE crack in it), and well, someone was supposed to come patch the drywall in the living room today but they didn’t, because I’m looking at the holes right now. Whatever.

In MUCH BETTER NEWS, I started my new job on Monday and it is so great. Training has been and will continue to be intense but I love learning all about the things. Some of which so far has been scary things about Stranger Danger on the internet which is why I’m obfuscating the name of my employer is. (It’s Beeswax, None of Yours, Inc.)

I am very excited to be here and in this new job and hopefully soon I can settle into my new homes - work and otherwise. :)

July 24th
4:18 PM EST

a rare beautiful email nugget

  • Office Toby: Just an FYI, I handled the [work thing] below this morning...
  • B.: That’s great. And not to sound snarky, but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?
June 12th
4:36 PM EST

In other news, Office Toby has a wicked shiner which apparently he got whilst wrestling with a buddy on Monday, when aforementioned buddy headbutted him in the eye-socket I suppose?

I’m not sure if “wrestling with a buddy” is a gay thing or not but I guess that would explain a few things to me, sort of, but not really because I still have questions for example how dare you.

Anyway, a 26 year old man should NOT have a black eye. Unless he got it fighting crime or like, rescuing some shit. I said that to B. and he was like, “oh yeah, or defending a woman’s honor.”

"Women can defend their own honor usually," I said.

"Yeah… but… sometimes…"


April 29th
11:28 AM EST
New coworker’s email signature contains a graphic that changes size dynamically with the size of the window.
This is not a thing I like.

New coworker’s email signature contains a graphic that changes size dynamically with the size of the window.

This is not a thing I like.

March 13th
10:08 AM EST

I spilled an entire bowl of cereal on my keyboard at work this morning. But I dismantled it, separated the top and bottom parts out, and rinsed the top plastic part in the skin while the electronics remained totally unsoiled due to good product development.

Also I’m really impressed by myself because I think most people would have just bought a new keyboard. I’m not kidding when I say ENTIRE BOWL OF CEREAL in there.

January 23rd
4:08 PM EST
GPOYW puffin shirt y’all

GPOYW puffin shirt y’all

January 21st
4:54 PM EST
My bun has caused quite a stir in the office today.

My bun has caused quite a stir in the office today.

January 9th
10:34 AM EST

anecdote explaining my rapid descent into nihilism

  • Me: (answering phone) Good morning, [Company Name], how may I direct your call?
  • Other line: [A Boss]
  • Me: Okay, let me see if he's available. May I ask who's calling and what it's regarding?
  • Other line: I want to introduce our firm.
  • Me: May I relay who's calling and what it is regarding, please, sir?
  • Other line: [Company Name]. Is [A Boss] even in today?
  • Me: I need to see if he's available. Can I get your name, sir?
  • Other line: Larry. Tell me if [A Boss] is in.
  • Me: Hold on just a moment, let me see if he's available. (He's not) Sir, I apologize, Mr. [A Boss] isn't in his office at the moment, would you like to leave him a voicemail?
  • Other line: (heaves annoyed sigh) NO.
December 18th
9:45 AM EST

Office Toby: If I put mail in the mailbox, will it be picked up today by the mailman?
Me: I mean… yeah… that’s how mail works.

Wut. B. scooted his chair over and looked at me out his office doorway with this incredulous look on his face after hearing the exchange, once Office Toby went back down the hallway. He didn’t even put the flag up on the mailbox. Really? How are you an adult human being.

Also, clearly he was abducted by aliens around early April of this year because this isn’t the same person as who I had a pretty good thing with all through February and March.

December 7th
3:45 PM EST