Elaine is my inspiration for posting the stories about Office Jim (which is a code-name, like in her own anecdotes) … and Amber is my constant companion throughout the day via gchat, helping me compose myself and proof-reading my banter, in today’s case.

Oh yeah, Jim and I emailed back and forth this afternoon. He initiated this, too, and I do take it to be flirting. (He also confirmed that he did indeed call me Liz Lemon this morning, so that’s something)

I must share this email dialogue because it’s priceless to me.

From: Jim

So…I’m thinking for your birthday present to me, you should finish up my work today and I can leave early. Your thoughts…? :)

My first reaction to this was:

Then:

Once I calmed down, and with Amber’s help, I composed a reply.

From: Sam

Wow. As special as that sounds, I might have to pass. I’m really busy up here, you know. Super busy. First I read this email, and now I’m replying to it… totally swamped man.

Also… I have to give you a present on MY birthday? What is this? How about you finish BOTH of our work AND take me to dinner.

Thanks to Amber for the second part of that. I’m not clever without her.

From: Jim

Why yes, of course you should give me a present (I’m hoping for something really special and shows a lot of thought on your part)… Are you trying to say the whole day is just about you…? Sounds a little selfish!

Ahhhh, I would love to take you to dinner, missy, but I was informed that you were locking yourself away all by yourself this weekend. NO FUN, by the way.

Ugghhhhh…is it time to go yet… I’ve got this great english literature book I’m just dyingggg to read, lol

“I’m hoping for something really special and shows a lot of thought on your part”

“I would love to take you to dinner”

From: Sam

I thought you knew, but literally every day is always about me. 100% of all of the days.

Hey, I’ve got to leave my hermit hole for food sometime right? I’m not locking myself away, I don’t have the proper tower for that. So if you want to take me to dinner, just do it. Make it happen. You pegged me as a Liz Lemon type, so you should know how I feel about food!

What’s this book? I’ve probably read it. I’ll just tell you what happens so you can stop dwelling on it and get back to work. :p

From: Jim

You read…highly unlikely! I get the feeling your an audio book kinda girl :)

I’m reading Advanced Industrialism in a Post Theologian World. Heard of it?

And I will make dinner happen, it’s what I do… make magic happen. Just not this weekend :( Heading back to [redacted] for some R&R. Next week for sure. Pull out your palm pilot and mark it down!

So besides being a nerd, liking 30 rock, and going to FSU…anything else I should know before you take me out to dinner? Are you secretly a serial killer on the weekends? Are you allergic to water? Do you only eat chicken that is fried? All important questions to know about co-workers…

I’ll forgive him for his weak grammar and such, he does have a degree in Finance, not Words like me. “Advanced Industrialism in a Post Theologian World”? I don’t even know what any of those words mean but I want to go to there. And by “there” I mean “the person who reads such obscure texts” obviously. And he makes magic happen? PROVE IT SIR. I should have taken that opportunity for a Harry Potter comment or sex joke or Harry Potter sex quip, but this is only our first email chain and we are in an office setting so I contained myself.

From: Sam

Yeah I have an entire room in my house dedicated to audio books. I hate looking at stuff. Paper is gross. What are books again? If I even knew what books were or how to read them, Advanced Industrialism in a Post Theologian World would probably be my favorite. It sounds so exciting, I bet there’s swashbuckling in it.

Things you should know… hm. I graduate from FSU in April, thank god. I am not a weekend serial killer but I’ll let you figure out about weekdays for yourself. I’m not allergic to water, which is a relief, because I think about 60% of my body is made up of it. That would be crazy. And as for chicken, you’ll be glad to know that I also accept grilled, blackened, and all other cooked varieties.

Also, I like lots of way nerdier stuff than you could ever guess. And I have a cat.

I will pencil you into my planner for next week. That is a serious remark, as I actually do have a planner.

What about you? Anything I should know? How’s splitting time between here and [redacted] treating you?

Unfortunately that concludes our emails today. He ran some errands, I ran some errands, the office threw me an Awkward Party in the conference room for my birthday (you love me, you really love me!), and he ran more errands… we bantered a bit more as he left for the day. Nothing groundbreaking other than him refusing outright to call me “Sam” regardless of my preference. Jerk.