CONSOLE ME

Today has been so busy and I’ve been having all of my attention pulled in every which way by every entity that ever tries to get my attention, all at once. My boss, P., dictated a customer order over the phone and I mistyped two words on it, because it’s hard to type while holding a phone and also dealing with other people talking and walking in the front door. Usually I do fine, but today I mistyped two words. Not misspelled, just missed one letter in each because I wasn’t typing with the full attention of both of my hands.

He’s so mad at me, he didn’t even approach me about it. He delegated the confrontation to B. who seemed vaguely upset about it so I knew that P. was pissed.

First of all, I’m not a goddamn superhuman with perfect everything all the time and the ability to do 10 things at once for 5 different people. Like, shit. 

Second, he could have proof-read it before he left the office. But he didn’t because I usually do it right. That should tell you that a slip-up is a rarity and not something to give me the cold shoulder over.

Anyway, so as I’m sending the corrected customer order to the customer, I get three phone calls rapid fire, and am so distracted that I sent the customer, cc’ed to P. and B., THE OLD, TYPO-RIDDEN COPY by accident. Fuck. My. Fucking. Fuck. Fuck. Life.

I quickly realized this and sent it again again, just to the customer, very apologetically. Because I am a fucking moron who should be homeless.

And then I went and let my face leak in the bathroom for a minute. My nose took point on that and it was gruesome.

Honestly, the fact that I essentially go into hysterics over a typo should tell you how absolutely insane I am and how much pressure I live with. I can’t even eat my chicken pesto flatbread and that alone should indicate how much I am affected by this. 

All I know to do is apologize. I texted P. how sorry I am, because I feel like we are usually on that level and he left without looking at me. He really likes Hershey’s Special Dark with Almonds so I’m going to get him like 50 bags of it as a peace offering in the guise of a birthday gift I guess. I wonder if I could find a World’s Best Boss mug somewhere. Fill it with chocolate.

I just feel truly miserable, and what makes it worse, really, is that my boss is so unforgiving and lacks the empathy to say anything to me about it, but rather delegates it to someone who is his inferior but still my superior. And the way B. approached me about it made me feel like P. said some hurtful things that he was avoiding repeating merely by telling me several times how upset P. was.